Free to good home

The last several days have been Byron Katie ones for Katrisa, Cassidy, and I. It’s like having one long facilitation fest with BK herself; we’ve been gorging on two of her books, as well as the tidbits from both Katrisa’s and my sessions with Pam. Cassidy is right there as well.

In fact, this blog stems from a frequent Cassidy comment: “That’s your Thought Baby, not mine.” Translated it means, roughly, the same thing as “That was your idea, not mine! I take no responsibility for it.” Byron Katie’s work is about Thought Babies, especially the ones that have grown up, had their own families, and still refuse to leave the nest. We love them, yes—but we’re kind of tired of stepping around them and their paraphernalia all the time. It’s exhausting, and we’d like to live our own lives, thank you very much.

The Work does not center on how to rid ourselves of these unwieldy Babies-Now-Adults. In fact, it is impossible to dislodge them. There is no “letting go of,” or “clearing your mind of,” or “learning to live with” these children; they must choose to go of their own accord. And how is this accomplished? By simple inquiry. Four questions and a turnaround. Simple—but it takes courage. Some of us think we couldn’t live without our Thought Babies and their families. When we realize we can (and ARE!), they disappear of their own accord. They may drop a postcard to us from time to time, but ensconced in our homes, they’re not.

You're the only one who can fill in the thought bubble. Think about that...

Now that some of my children have left town, tearfully but joyfully, I find I have some extra space. I’ve discovered that there are Orphan Thoughts very deserving of my spacious, comfortable home. Perhaps you would like to house one or more of them as well? There are millions of stranded Thoughts, free to a good home.

Here’s but a small sampling of the Orphans I found wandering the Universe:

  • I’m Perfect Exactly the Way I Am.
  • I Don’t Need Anyone to Complete Me.
  • I Am Not My Story.
  • Truth Cannot Hurt You, and her twin brother, Absolutely No One Can Make You Feel Anything You Don’t Want to Feel.
  • We Are All Connected.
  • If I Don’t Have It, I Don’t Need It. (Sometimes goes by “If I Need It, I Have It Already.” U2 made this pair famous in their song, “It’s a Beautiful Day.”)

It almost goes without saying that each of these lovely Orphans are low-maintenance, cheerful companions. Once installed in your Heart Home, you’ll only know they’re there when you spontaneously smile or laugh at a thought that used to bring pain. You might find yourself singing out loud on the street, as I did yesterday. You’ll lose weight, make friends, and win the lottery—or at least feel like you did.

There’s no telling what these Orphans will bring into your life.

4 thoughts on “Free to good home”

  1. Very interesting indeed….

    After reading the list of orphans I am wondering about #1. How does one improve if they believe they are perfect the way they are? If everyone felt that way why would they ever compromise? or sacrifice for another? give up a bad habit, or even families of thought children?

    Someone once told me that the Chinese have a saying about “only God makes perfect things” or something like that. So when the Chinese hand make things they knowingly put imperfections in them. They work can still be beautiful (and is!) but perfection is not the goal. In fact, the Tahitian language doesn’t even have the word prefect in their language, just “very good”.

    I don’t believe I am perfect the way I am but I know that I don’t need to be perfect to be happy. I can be content with my imperfections and can grow all the same. I can be “very good” with a healthy understanding of my faults and weaknesses.

  2. perfect the way you are is just full acceptance of your imperfections, not just always being right.
    sacrifice and compromise are just that, not admitting you are wrong.
    i believe everyone is absolutely perfect because how can they be anything but…..
    you are who you are, no questions asked, and “evolving” or “getting better” even being “happy”
    is something you do or don’t…most likely both at the same time…and it is perfect because it is,,,that’sall……….

  3. Ah — we’re perfect the way we are because we cannot be other than what we are at any given moment. It’s impossible to be anything other than what you are. Giving and compromise are love in action, and in my world, they make me happy! I don’t do them to make someone else happy, because that’s impossible for me to do. However, compromising what’s true for you is not love. (To use an LDS phrase for understanding, you know that by “the still, small voice” inside you. It may not match what you’re taught in Church, and rarely matches what others try to foist on us.) We’re in charge of loving ourselves as we are, and appreciating that we “are” at all. As J.R. says, the “happy” part is up to us — completely and totally. I’m learning that it has nothing to do with anyone else, or our situation. I’m coming to see that it’s the stories I tell myself, the ones I use to define who I am (to make myself “real”) that I need to question. The stories from which I construct my reality (and everyone’s is different, because we each, although connected, are also separate) are the sources of pain or happiness for me. Once I realize that I’m reacting to my Thought Families, and not to what is actually happening in the present moment, I question my reaction if it’s sad or depressed. I don’t question the happy ones — why would I?! I believe, as I know you’ve quoted before, and is one of the great things I learned from your dad, that humans are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. (That’s a paraphrase, of course.) And I’m a happy, happy woman. This is so great, to have you and J.R. answering my blog (I believe it’s the first time for you guys? Kat’s done so before). I love hearing the wisdom from my children; you have been among my greatest teachers. It’s taken me a long time to get to this point, but that’s all right. I couldn’t have done so earlier, it wasn’t time. Like a flower, it can only bloom when it’s ready, not one second before. I guess I’m like those cicadas that only sing every 17 years! Even when they do, not everyone appreciates their music, but that doesn’t stop them. No. When you gotta sing, you gotta sing. I love you guys! (And not just because you’re perfect the way you are.)

  4. I just want to say that I appreciate your (and Adrienne’s!) patience as I live in your home, and learn the fundamental truths you’ve learned already. How exciting to watch myself evolve in front of my very eyes! It shows how timeless existence is, doesn’t it? In earth years, I am so much older, yet my children (and their wonderful ‘spice’) are my greatest teachers. Love you, and thank you xxxxxxxxx

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